‘I am just trying to keep my child alive’ – mother ‘vindicated’ by CAMHS report as she fights for daughter’s mental health support
When Sarah* was in senior infants, she tried to end her life in the school playground.
er mother Ashling* vividly remembers the red marks on her five-year-old daughter’s neck, which were “like little love bites”.
Sarah, who is now 13 years old and lives in Tallaght, has for the majority of her young life been fighting a strong suicidal ideation that has only grown more violent, traumatic and compulsive as she has gotten older.
The toll that her mental health has already taken on her and her family is unfathomable. But what has also proven to be traumatic for both Sarah and her mother has been the uphill, years-long struggle to try to get Sarah admitted to a psychiatric hospital by the child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS).
Despite Sarah making multiple attempts on her own life, being sectioned, ending up in both emergency departments and handcuffs, despite the desperate pleas from multiple other health professionals and agencies, lobbying from TDs and both Sarah and her mother begging while in tears, they still cannot get an in-patient mental health referral.
Sarah is consistently told – even at times when she is still sitting in an emergency department having just made another attempt on her own life – that she does not meet the criteria for a referral to a psychiatric hospital.
I was glad they were finally being exposed for what has been going on
“What is the criteria for children to get into that hospital?” Ashling asked.
“What is it they are waiting on? I am just trying to keep my child alive, I am not asking for anything else off them. I just want to keep her alive.”
Ashling said the revelations about CAMHS which emerged in a Mental Health Commission report this week were almost vindicating for her. “God forgive me, those poor children and everything that’s going on, but I was glad. I was glad they were finally being exposed for what has been going on.”
Sarah, who has been on antidepressants for most of her life, was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome when she was five years old. But she cannot access disability interventions until her mental health is stable.
Ashling said doctors would often attribute Sarah’s mental health to her disability, but Ashling believes Sarah’s autism cannot explain the severity of her suicidal ideation.
“Over the years, Sarah’s suicidal ideation did not go away. It got worse,” Ashling said. When Sarah was small, she would say things like: “Mammy, I don’t want to feel my feet on the ground. I just want to go.”
By the time she was nine, gardaí were often being called to the house.
By the end of last year, Sarah had been admitted to hospital a number of times within months or even weeks. Enable Ireland, the HSE disability services, Tusla and two TDs had all by now advocated for Sarah to be admitted to a mental health hospital. Last month, correspondence showed a clinical psychologist was of the view that Sarah’s mental health had deteriorated to the degree that there was an “immediate risk” to her safety, and that she be admitted to a mental health hospital.
The same month, both Sarah and Ashling had been in front of their local CAMHS team in tears. “She was saying ‘I can’t keep living like this,’” Ashling said. “I begged them, I said will you please put her forward to go into a mental health hospital?”
The family kept being told that a mental health hospital could be a “traumatising” experience, but Ashling doubted anything could be more scarring than her 13-year-old daughter being handcuffed and sectioned by gardaí after once again attempting suicide.
“Is that not traumatising?” she said. “They say sometimes that it makes children worse, going in there, but they didn’t even give her that chance.”
The horrible contradictions and corruption within the health system is breaking me down
After another suicide attempt and an acute hospital admission, Ashling remembered watching her daughter tell a CAMHS doctor: “I want to die, and if I get out of here I am going to do it.”
Yet shortly after, to Ashling’s horror, Sarah was discharged again. The emails between Ashling and CAMHS are desperate. One, written to a CAMHS doctor just last month, has the subject line: “Please Help”.
“I am broken now at this stage,” it said. “The horrible contradictions and corruption within the health system is breaking me down. More importantly, it’s broken Sarah.”
By December 29, Ashling finally succeeded in getting an appointment with CAMHS to consider admitting Sarah to a hospital. They were told they would hear after the weekend. They are still waiting for a response. Sarah has since made two more attempts on her life.
The only time Sarah has come close to an admission was when Ashling succeeded in getting a referral for a private hospital, as she has Sarah covered on her health insurance. Documents show Sarah was excluded from that hospital for “volatile behaviour”.
There’s no point, they’re not going to help me
“The public hospitals aren’t helping my daughter, the private mental hospitals aren’t helping my daughter, who is responsible for helping her?” Ashling said.
“What’s happening now is she’s saying: ‘Mam, just stop. Don’t fight for me anymore. There’s no point, they’re not going to help me’.”
CAMHS was contacted but said it could not comment on individual cases.
If you are affected by this story you can call Samaritans on (048) 3026 6366 or 1850 60 90 90, or email jo@samaritans.org
* Names have been changed
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